and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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