you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
