ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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