he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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