His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
why do cheetos always look like penises
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
