Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
