I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
