remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize