you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
3pm strippers are depressing
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
