ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
This girl is more easily done than said...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize