the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
it's like heaven, but drunker
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
