It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
