she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
