like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
