i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
