Im at strip club and am horny
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
