I like to think it a success when the cops are called
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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