I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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