Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
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