i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
