I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize