i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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