He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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