it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize