I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
