You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
