DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
