I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
