My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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