She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you would pick up someone in the library
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
