He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
A bitchslap is in order.
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