Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
