to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize