Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
