i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
