i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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