he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
