It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
