girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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