Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
