WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
