Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
