Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
