Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
