whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
