hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
