Where did you get a picture of my penis
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
