I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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