it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
