I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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