She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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