I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
