Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
