Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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