Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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