after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
