He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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