What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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