Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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