I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize