Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
