When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize