so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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