careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
