The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
