He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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