I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
