so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
