We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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